somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
