I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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