Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
