my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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