I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
