It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
