I accidentally burped into my bong.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
