i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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