The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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