my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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