So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
