that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
