I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
