ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
