How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
