Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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