Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
