Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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