those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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