can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was a blind-side dick pic.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
