hotel room ftw
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
