Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
