there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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