My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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