The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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