I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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