Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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