I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Shame - the story of my life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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