he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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