So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
