So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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