I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
