I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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