Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
