worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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