@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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