I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
