ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
