i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
