He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
