i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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