I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
