I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
