And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
