Pants 0. Shit 1.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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