the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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