I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
