There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
