I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
