My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
