Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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