Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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