At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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