You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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