is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
