He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
True strength comes from lack of pants
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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